The Mystery of Grace - A Stay at Home Mom's Journey

Motherhood does many things to us both inside and out. The most substantial change in me is the gift of grace. Sure I'm still clumsy, can never figure out which is the salad fork, and am a novice wine drinker. The grace I was given is on the inside. Maybe it was always in me, hiding or waiting for the perfect moment to bloom. But let me back up to the beginning. 

Rewind to my pre-mommy days.

I was not a patient person. Easily annoyed and my angry button was pushed in on the regular. That's not to say that I was unkind or unpleasant, I've always found it easy to make friends. With family and my husband, I could be ungrateful at times (embarrassing and hard to own up to as it is). Looking back, I'm just lucky that none of them kicked me to the curb. My husband says that I am exaggerating on those accounts but I disagree. Maybe it has something to do with reflecting on how I was then, from where I am now. Then I found grace.

April 2012

My story may be unique, though I hope it's not. Becoming a mother changes us all. My daughter's crying never stressed me and the lack of sleep was always worth it. Now with a feisty toddler, the challenges are different but the patience remains unending. You see for me, I had no choice, I loved my daughter from the moment that test showed two lines. Motherhood is challenging but the love that overflows in me is without words. When she's screaming and throwing a fit in my arms, I quietly whisper to her, "I love you in every way". It's not forced, it is the most natural thing I've felt in my life. It saddens me that not everyone has this beautiful connection and gift.

What is a Mother's Grace?

It is a peaceful quiet in your soul. It is endless patience. It is a beautiful bond between a mother and her child. It is a gift. 

Where is my Grace?

In meeting other moms & seeing friends become moms, my eyes have opened to how vastly different people can be as parents. Some become parents out of a feeling of family obligation or because their biological clock is ticking. Others try for years to conceive & some get there by chance. One thing to me is certain, not everyone feels the gushy love for their kids at first (or maybe ever). We are all so different in many ways and this "grace" isn't something you can just reach out and grab. Perhaps it finds us when we need it the most.

What Now?

First, stop being so hard on yourself. You are caring for your child, sadly, that is more than many can say. Remember that being lovey-duvey does not a perfect parent make. Being able to have slightly more guarded emotions may make gentle discipline and rule enforcing an easier task. Lastly, remember that your efforts toward a closer relationship with your child are never a waste. 

If you were lucky enough to feel that love at first sight, there is still work to be done. For me, it meant finding a way to harness that quiet peacefulness and using it to better my relationships with everyone around me. 

Welcome Home.

Military Wife

As a military wife, I couldn't be more proud of my husband. After spending 8 years on active duty in The United States Marine Corps and the past couple years in the Air Force Reserves, he has dedicated his life to serving the people of this great nation. His reserve unit will likely deploy next year (for 6 months or more) and while it is always in the back of my mind, I try not to worry about it. Every month he is gone for a few days and at least once a year he is gone for two weeks (or more). This year, like many before, he will be gone on my birthday. I'd love to "be that girl" who is cool about it, no sweat. For my family, I am. On the inside, this sucks! Not just because it's my birthday this Saturday, but because I can't spend it with my very best friend.  We have learned to love FaceTime on our iPhones but it's never quite the same.

[Above: Our daughter standing in daddy's boots that are clean and ready to be packed.]

As a military wife and mother, we must ever be the bookends holding everything together while our spouse is away. At least in my family, those times are generally shorter now. :) since our daughter is only 18 months old, she is not at the age where she understands it all yet but I will say, I'm not looking forward to the inevitable "daddy is leaving" tears. Cross that bridge another day.

Welcome Home & God Bless America

Wax Paper & Autumn Leaf Sun Catcher

Fall is here! The leaves are turning and air is crisp. One of my favorite fall crafts as a kid was the Leaf Sun Catcher. Today, Elena helped me make one for our new home!

Elena picked most of the leaves out and we laid them out on a cooling rack to inspect.

Then we chose the design we wanted and arranged the leaves on a long piece of wax paper.

The wax paper is on an old towel. We folded the wax paper over top and turned the iron on high.

Then we placed an extra towel over top and ironed the wax to seal the leaves in place.

We held it in front of the light but ultimately taped it to a window. I cannot wait to see the morning sunlight pour through the rich colors!

Welcome Home

Letters to my Daughter

Dear Elena...

And that's how it began. On my only daughter's first birthday I began writing her letters. Sometimes I only get to it once a week, other times twice a day. I'd like to share these memories with my daughter down the road. I pay special attention to the little things that make me fall in love with her over and over again. These details tend to get lost with time. Myself, I have an awful memory. I write to her for her, for the memories, and for myself. I've been faithfully writing for 6 months. I just don't want to forget, the story of us. I realize that it's not for everyone but I hope sharing this will inspire someone else to do the same. But then maybe I'm just a sap...

Welcome Home. 

Potty Training, is she ready?

Next week my sweet girl will be 18 months old. For the past week, she has been hiding behind her toy box when she has to poop. She poops on schedule so I knew right away that that was the reason. Maybe it's a little odd but I got super excited for her. This is a mini milestone. She is clearly aware of when she is pooping. 

Now I'm not going to jump right into a naked weekend tomorrow but I will focus more on potty words. (Blog about naked weekend: http://myfamilyandme.net/blogarticles/potty-training-the-naked-weekend ) We have been working on teaching Elena to pull her pants down and up. Personally, I feel this is an important ability to have when starting to potty train. Time to really work on potty words! Our goal is to be out of diapers by 2 1/2 but ultimately it'll be based on her readiness. For now, bring on the diapers and wipes!

Welcome Home