Yes, you heard me correctly! I am a wife first and mother second. Many people will (&have) taken my saying this to the extreme. For our family, it's all about balance! Recently, a mom in a FB group I'm in was complaining about being too tired for sex. My advice was simple and from the heart:
Me, "Well ladies, we were wives first. This is what I try to remember. There were many times that first year that I didn't feel up to it but sometimes if you just give in to his touch, you'd be surprised how much you missed it. We are tired and stressed and what better way to relieve that stress! The best I can do for my children is to love my husband well."
Anon Mom, "I'm NOT a wife first. I am a mother first and foremost above all things. After nearly 2 years of breastfeeding my hormones are still out of whack. I have absolutely zero sex drive and I do not force myself to get "in the mood". If my husband forced me, it'd be rape. So why would I ever force myself? And I practice extended breastfeeding because it's what my son needs. My son's needs will always come before my husband's. Especially something as trivial as sexual needs. I would never consider weaning before my son was ready just so I could get my freak back on. But like someone else already stated.... everyone's relationship dynamics are different."
To say that I disagree with her extreme sentiment would be putting things mildly. For me. I set out to marry for love, to marry a man that I'd like my boys to be like, to marry a man that would emulate what my daughters should look for in a husband one day, and to marry a man that I would love to grow old with. I set out everyday to love my husband well. We have a very physical relationship. We hold hands very frequently, he rests his hand on my leg as we drive in the car together, as I pass by him I kiss his neck, and we love to be in love with each other!
I have one (2 year old) daughter. From the moment I saw her at 4:29 am on that Easter Sunday morning, I knew love at first sight existed. I put my all into being a stay at home mother. My daughter is the apple of my eye and I cherish every beautiful (and not so beautiful) moment that we have together. I can whole heartedly say that she is the most loved and cared for child that ever was, but I may be a teensy bit biased. As a couple that has been head over heels in love for over 6 years, we are able to nurture and love our daughter together. When our child(ren) are grown and leave the house, we will tearfully wave goodbye holding hands together. So many marriages fall apart because the spouses don't give priority to their marriage. There are so many positive impacts of raising children in a home with a loving marriage.
We are the first example of marriage our kids see. I want to show my kids what a healthy relationship looks like. After all, that helps set the stage for the rest of their lives. Of course my child's needs are more than always met but I have to keep my relationship with my husband in focus as well.
Ultimately my love is endless and without preference. I love my family and look forward to expanding it. (But no more dogs!) Overreact if you must but I choose to believe that most of you agree with me about balance (even if not about the dogs).
Where do you stand on family dynamics?
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